Why Bother?

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Why do I even bother?

Lately I have been feeling that the things I do online make no difference; they serve no purpose. What I do interests no one. None of the projects I have done (including blogs) attracted anyone.

So, Our Thoughts is gone. I did not back anything up. Everything I have said since July 2003 is now gone. I have no idea if I will ever post more than this post.

Who cares? What’s the use?

P.S. Sorry

31 thoughts on “Why Bother?

  1. What a shame, Kim. I followed all of your posts via your ATOM Feed. Perhaps you have judged your contribution by the wrong criteria. We can probably recover some of your thoughts using Google’s cache, but it would be even more important for you to recover your animo.

    God bless you.

  2. I love “Our Thoughts” and will miss the chili peppers. I missed seeing the pepper design template. Your blog inspired me to be more diligent with my ow, and I thank you for that. I always found your commentary on church topics enlightening and enjoyable. I for one will miss dropping in for a read from time to time. All the best!

    Nikki Workman

  3. Okay I’m annoyed that I forgot the ‘n’ on the back of ow…it should say OWN!!! I apologize for that and any other misprints I’m sure exist… I need an edit feature on everything! – N

  4. Well, I was about to contribute to your science and mysticism post, but by the time I sent it you apparently had already thrown in the towel.

    My best wishes, and I hope you still continue to post comments on my new blog.

  5. I’m sorry to see Our Thoughts go as well. I only visited infrequently, but always enjoyed what I read, and left the occasional comment or two. It was a good looking blog as well. I liked the pepper.

  6. Kim, I understand how you feel. Sorry to think that you feel alone, but it’s just the alberta winter getting to you. Things will get better.

  7. Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

    It’s not just Our Thoughts. I have been feeling this way for a very long time. And it goes beyond more than just Our Thoughts; although, Our Thoughts was certainly part of it.

    I am just tired of being mediocre. I am tired of doing things that make no difference and that are not fulfilling. It just seems like a waste of time.

    I am slowly resigning myself to the fact that there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll just keep trudging along in the valley of mediocrity and unfulfillment for another 65 years.

  8. Sorry to hear that things are not going well. For what it’s worth, I subscribed to your feed and read your posts, even if I didn;t comment. I hope things get better.

  9. Kim,
    I’m sad to see you go. I’ve been reading you blog via an aggregator, but haven’t come in to post often enough.

    -pate

  10. Kim goes through these periods sometimes. He feels he is a mediocre person who doesn’t make any difference in life and I try to tell him he does. But he doesn’t see it. So for now, no Our Thoughts. I didn’t know he was shutting it down until he did.

    I always tell him he does make a huge difference, but unless you believe it, I guess it isn’t real.

    I love him dearly, and he will always be bigger than life to me and to his children.

  11. Kim:

    As you know I was a regular reader and sometime commenter.

    Not that it matters — but I have gone through the same thing. In fact, I would go to write something and I’d freeze up because I was so concerned that the resulsts would be throrougly mundane and even lame. And then one day I realized that I didn’t care if I was doomed to a life of mediocrity. So now I write. And I post. And I try to prepare stuff to submit for publication [which is still a struggle]. And even if I have no readership [the readership of A Motley Vision is very small (although high quality ;-) ] and even if the stuff I submit never gets published, at least I’m creating stuff that pleases me. And that feeds a part of me that is an important part of the pleasure I derive from life.

    Of course, that’s my choice. If you find that you are happier not spending the time doing Web projects, etc., then great. But if you get the itch to start something up again — don’t hesitate. And let me know about it.

    And if it makes a difference — I enjoyed most of your posts, but some of your musings on things in the Book of Mormon were fantastic — they made me view the text in fresh views. ALSO: I thought your design for Our Thoughts was fantastic.

    ~~Wm

  12. No only is your blog worth reading, it is worth criticizing. I should have taken more time to ruffle your feathers.

  13. Kim! This fit of self-pity and hopelessness you are currently feeling is a Canadian thing! As the cold winter winds blow unimpeded across that bleak Alberta landscape; when the sunlight disappears at 3:00 in the afternoon and does not re-emerge until noon the next, you Canucks are most naturally in a depressed state . . . as well and truly you should be. But, behold, young Kim, all the kind words of encouragement your erstwhile readers have transmitted to your icey habitat. Take heart! The fitful, short Canadian Summer is just over the frozen gray horizon. You’ll feel much better when the mean temperature is a balmy 30 degrees C.

  14. I just found your site on Friday and I really liked it, I think it is ashame to delete your site because you are feeling blue right now. Everyone feels blue sometimes so I understand how you feel, I feel the same way as you do sometimes, I feel like like no one cares and what the use at times. So, I really understand where you are coming from.

  15. Thanks for the time you put in to posting over the last year or two. Hope you’re back with a new blog sometime soon. Take care.

  16. Kim, I too loved reading your blog. I’m sorry to see it closed down. I too hope you start something anew and let me know when you do.

  17. Kim if you were doing your online work, with the blogs and web sites, for your own satisfaction, then I can see you having problems because you are a perfectionist. But to say they are not helping others, well that’s not true. You probably will never know the amount of people that you have helped with your postings and your suggestions. I know even I have had to rethink some of the things you said about scriptures and gospel and made me think of things instead of just following along with the rest of the world.

    I always think of our two Elders that baptized us 28 yers ago. I am sure like most Elders they thought gee we can never find any good people, everyone always says no but they just kept on plodding on doing what they needed to do. As you know last summer 2 new 3rd generation members from our family were batized in this church. All of you were married in the church, 2 of you sealed for all time and eternity in the Temple, you served on a mission with honour.

    Did Robert and John give up on their mission when they felt useless and that their work wasn’t being appreciated or that they couldn’t get satisfaction from their work? Obviously not and for that I am so happy.

    One of your nieces was just blesed this past Fast Sunday and as I sat in the pew with your sister and her family and all your brothers and their families, I had to get up and bear my testimony. I had to say how proud I was of you even though you weren’t there to hear me. I told everyone how your example has gotten some of us back on track and where we needed to be. You have been an example of strenght, of courage, of determination.

    You will never know what seeds are sown by what you say and do Kim. But know this, I promise you those seeds are being sown. We just need to remember that not all of our rewards come the way we expect or want them.

    As for the mediocre part… what or who are you comparing yourself to that you think you and your life are mediocre? When you kids were little we used to have a picture on our fridge door that had a little boy on it holding a blanket and wearing a full diaper and had a scruffy stuffed dog in his other hand.. and the words said “I know I am a Somebody cause God don’t make no junk”. He doesn’t make mediocre either.

  18. Interestingly, this is one of those few opportunities to mounr with those who mourn.

    I only found your site recently, but have enjoyed it. Bon voyage.

  19. But Kim you and Mary are like my favorite blog-people in the world! If it make you feel any better I’m totally mediocre to (can’t even spell it). I’ve decided I’m going to bask in my averageness. BASK I say.

  20. It could be worse. Imagine being mediocre in a high-traffic blog where you’re exposed to the ridicule of thousands. Some comfort, I know, but still.

  21. It’s interesting that you feel that because it appears that no one reads your blog your thoughts are not interesting. Maybe it is just that others do not yet know about your blog. I have been blogging now since October 2004. I have spent a great deal of time researching, analyzing, and writing on my blogs (I have three) with apparently very little interest from the mainstream LDS blogging community. Although I haven’t been blogging since 2003, I haven’t let the fact that very few if anyone that I know of is reading my posts. Why bother? I have found things that I am genuinely interested in. My blog has shaped my thinking and opened up new possibilities in my life that I otherwise would not have known existed. Personally, I am sorry that you deleted all of your content because now I cannot see what it was that interested you enough to spend all of that time writing about it. Chin up Kim. There are often greater purposes at hand than any of us might see in what we are doing.

    Mark Mason
    http://www.virtualtheology.org

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