Pornography & Attractiveness

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In the inaugarl episode of the Mormon Archipelago Podcast, Elisabeth of BCC reviewed the book Confronting Pornography: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery for Individuals, Loved Ones and Leaders. In part, she quoted the following from page 153 of the book:

It?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s not uncommon for a wife to believe that if she were more attractive, more alluring, if she were ?¢‚Ǩ?ìenough for him?¢‚Ǩ¬ù, he wouldn?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t turn to these perfect images of other women.

I do not know if every woman faced with her husband’s addiction to pornography asks herself these question. If that is the case (I can only assume the doctor and social workers who authored the book have done their research), why? Why do women feel pornography is about attractiveness? Why do they feel their level of attractiveness is the solution? Or are women correct in these assertion.

[It was a good first podcast, by the way. I normally find RT’s podcasting style boring, but he did a good job here.]

6 thoughts on “Pornography & Attractiveness

  1. I’m keeping my name anonymous. My husband has had problems with pornography. He was exposed to it as a youth, and for the first few years of our marriage it was not a problem. It was easy to keep tempation out of the home. I’m not a thin woman by any stretch of the imagination, but I was always secure in the fact that he loved me for who I was no matter what I looked like. That is until we got internet access and all of a sudden tempation was too much and he had struggles. We went through cycles of his guilt, then fall, and confess to me, then no problem for a while then it would start all over again. I felt betrayed, but mostly I felt that I was not good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough. I felt that I wasn’t enough to satisfy his sexual need. No longer did I have that confidence that he didn’t care about how I looked with my struggle with my weight. I know that is my pride, and I had to swallow that. He has worked hard and long to not have the problem resurface. I have had to become a protector in my home, not just for my children, but for my husband. No it is not about my attractiveness, it is about a selfish need for personal satisfaction. Logically my brain accepts that, but my heart is a completely different organ, and even though I have forgiven him and myself, my fear is that the shoe will drop once more and the cycle will start all over.

  2. Women really do not understand a Man’s addication to Porn. It has nothing to do with how pretty or how sensual the wife is. There are many things like Gamblng, Drinking, etc that can mess up your life and those around you. The best advice is to stay away from it.

  3. Anon,
    Thank you posting your story. Perhaps someone may read your story and realize the dangers of pornography before they are addicted. I will pray for healing in your marriage.

  4. Thankyou John, there has been plenty of healing in our marriage. This is because he works at it as much as I do.

  5. I’m glad to hear your husband is trying to do the right things. Try to remember that Porn has nothing to do with the way you look are act. There are plenty of men whose wives have perfect bodies and they are still hooked on porn.

  6. Oh yes I know this very much. The irony being that my husband is a counselor. I think his knowlege and the fact that he works with this subject has helped both of us deeply. I never told him how I felt about this because he had enough pain and sorrow. I knew this was his problem, and I had to get over how I felt. I never even acknowledge it until he went to talk to the bishop about his problem. I think what would have helped me the most is to beable to have also talked to the bishop, but I never did. It has been about 6 years since he had his last exposure and it is a daily fight for him. What is working is his honesty and my encouragement to help him in this area. He also has bounderies with his work. I think part of the reason he is so good with the population he works with is because he understands the problems. He is a good man, and works hard and honoring his priesthood. Sometimes the best defenders are those that understand the mind set of the issue. He has had to combat this demon. Do I wish he hadn’t had to go through what he has. Yes. Yet I’m glad he has had the courage to face it, get help, and fight for the better things in life.

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