Forgive and Forget

I spent the entire morning the other day with the only other person that knows me other than my husband, talking about how easily it is for us to say “I forgive you” for a wrong doing. But part of the forgiveness process involves forgetting the incident totally.

We talked about something that happened in my life way back when in the ice age that took my breath away. I have always been capable of forgiving people who had wronged me in whatever way and then moved on with my life. But a wrong was done to me and this has left me in a stew pot for 2 months now.

As a practising Christian, I was taught the Golden Rule, do the right thing, and forgive and forget. And one of children would say but I forgave them last time and then they did it again, why do I have to forgive them again? And mom would say you have to do it 70 times 70 as Christ told us.

And now being a Latter Day Saint, being able to forgive and forget needs to be done or you do not go to the temple. You can not go in there with a grudge or bad thoughts in your mind, heart or soul.

I am 51 years old, and this is the first time I have not forgiven easily and it will be a long time before I can forget. So what do I do? It is not something that I can fix; I am just very hurt. My friend and I talked for hours that morning saying how people seem to say those two words, “I forgive you,” but then then bring it up at every disagreement or when they want to drive a point across. Obviously not very forgotten.

To me, I have always had both of them together: I forgive and I forget and I move on with my life. And that was the reason why the call with my friend. After a few hours yakking, we really had not accomplished more of anything else. I won’t be able to go to the temple now till I get that sorted out. And that is going to hurt. I could just go anyway, but seeing as they do ask the patrons there if anyone has any bad feelings toward the others you may want to step away, I have such a gullible face they would seek me out with a missile let me tell you,

Then we talked about how I had forgiven this person on his death bed; how I had told him that; how I told him how hard it had been to live with that kind of garbage; and how I told him I loved him and all was forgotten. He said, “I know,” and in a split second had a stroke and never regained consciousness.

If I already forgive for the things that happened in my youth, which I knew of at the time of the forgiveness, then does that count for the new stuff I just got knowledge of? I don’t know what to do. It is all I can think of all summer and it is filling me with feelings that had long been buried. Some that had been forgotten for many decades. Only now they are all resurfacing at the same time and it is sensory overload. I do not know what to do. How do you forgive someone who is dead?

Is this the time that you say, “Lord, it is in your hands,” and just forget about it? Is there a time limit to hold “grudges” without getting into trouble?

Modest Dress

A discussion at the supper table tonight that started off as our eight-year-old daughter talking about how much she wanted a Bratz doll ended up turning into a discussion about modest dress.

It was kind of interesting because I learned that our daughter equated modest dress with unrevealing clothing. I recognised an opportunity to explain to her that it included other things as well.

We explained to her that modest dress included clothes that covered our bodies appropriately. We also told her that modest clothes included clothes that were not extravagant; that were not extreme in style; and that did not draw attention away from the person wearing them.

We explained that this didn’t mean that one had to wear wrist- and ankle-length clothes made from gunny sacks. The clothes we wear should be pleasant and functional without attracting attention from the wearer.

Being on the Lord’s side

In elders quorum today, we had a discussion on “Who’s on the Lord’s side”. One of the ideas presented was that of Nephi deciding to be on the Lord’s side by getting the brass plates, and David being on the Lord’s side by stepping forward to take on Goliath.

It made me wonder if sometimes we answer, “I am on the Lord’s side”, by simply admitting I haven’t killed anyone, I haven’t stolen anything, I haven’t taken the Lord’s name in vain, or I haven’t broken the Sabbath day.

Of course it’s easy to be on the Lord’s side if all is required of us is to do nothing.

Nephi and David took initiative and do something. Maybe being on the Lord’s side is more about taking our own initiative and being proactive.

Movies and Chastity

I visited a different ward last Sunday while on vacation. The elders quorum lesson was on the law of chastity. The discussion quickly turned to the portrayal of chastity (or the lack of it ) in popular media, specifically movies. Three points that were brought up that I felt needed addressing were as follows:

1. The implication that morality = sexual purity
2. The virtues of CleanFlicks
3. The importance of avoiding R-rated movies

I addressed each of them as follows.

1. Morality is not synonymous with sexual purity. Likewise immorality is not synonymous with sexual impurity. Morality by definition is a system of right and wrong. Morality encompasses not only sexual purity, but also modesty, honesty, humility, charity, and an entire spectrum of virtues.

2. CleanFlicks is hypocrisy. First, someone has to watch the videos to edit them. Is it better for us to let some stranger to view objectionable material for us? Secondly, and more importantly, buying CleanFlicks videos supports Hollywood. In order for you to purchase the edited DVD, someone has to purchase an original, thus providing economic incentive for Hollywood film creators to continue producing the sort of content the buyers find objectionable.

3. The rating system is flawed. Not to mention the fact that every country has a different rating system. What may be R in the US, may be a PG in Canada. Each rating is assigned by a third-party panel. Their decision is based on the organisations standards at best and their own biases at worst. It is far better for us to take responsibility for what we watch. We live in a time when all information on a film is available to us beforehand to make the decision whether we find material in a movie objectionable. I find it plain lazy when people blindly choose their film watching activities based on a secular body instead of making an informed decision on their own.

I love the church youth program

I love how the church’s youth program prepares our children for real life by teaching them that:

  • There exists a social order based on popularity, physical appearance, and wealth
  • People love to talk behind your back
  • Leaders cater to the needs of the “in-crowd”
  • Token lip service to God is only required for 50 minutes on Sunday
  • The standards of the clique outweigh gospel standards
  • Rather than deal with problems, it’s best to just ignore the other person and leave them in the dark
  • Friendships change more frequently than you change your underwear
  • If your parents are in a church leadership position, you can get away with pretty much anything
  • If it appears to the leaders that there is nothing wrong, then dismiss anyone who says otherwise
  • Nice guys finish last

Funny how it really hasn’t changed that much since I was in the program 20+ years ago.