Recently I found out that it now makes 4 couples from our old friends in Regina that have gotten divorced. To say I was surprised is to minimize it big time. I found out about the last couple just before we went to Hawaii and I had a lot of time to reflect on my own marriage, on my parent’s marriage and watching 3 of our sons with their wives on vacation, their marriages and I wondered what happens to that magic that we all experience on our wedding day? Do we really have rose colored blinders on? Do we really know who we are marrying? Does life get in the way of “for better for worse, for richer for poorer in sickness and in health for all time and eternity (or till death do you part for those that aren’t members of my faith)”? We raised our children the exact same way and yet all 3 of our sons that were in Hawaii with us treated their wives completely different.
When does one decide where you get to the point of no return? After one chance, two, three, none? I remember way back when some political wife took her adulterous husband back and Hilary Clinton made a comment that put women all over the world up in arms by saying “I’m not a little woman that “Stands By Your Man (from Tammy Wynette song)”.. but when the shoe fell by her bed she did stand by him.
Do you just go by sheer emotion, lack of being able to trust again, forgive and forget as Christ did many times over? When do you step up to the plate and say I don’t think so my name is not spelt D-O-O-R-M-A-T? What makes one person leave after just one “offense” yet another stick by their spouse through it all?
By no means am I writing this to offend anyone that has ever left their spouse for any reason or in the middle of a divorce/separation. I am just curious at to what other’s?Ǭ†point of no return is. I know the day I met Keith I told him flat out if he ever laid a hand on me or even looked like he was going to, he would never see me again. To me that was my line of do not cross. Am I too naive to think there isn’t anything that can’t be worked out other then abuse?
I can’t speak for anyone else really, and there can be varying reasons of course, but I think when it comes to two people who COULD with equal effort, or one who refuses to show that effort, it comes down to selfish desires; ” I am not happy, S/he doesn’t understand me, etc etc”. when a spouse treats their loved one as less important, expecting them to fulfill their needs and desires and not realising that it should always be the other way around, relationships deteriorate. Truly, marriages are 100% effort from both sides, not 50/50.
If a wife or husband allows their spouse to treat them disrespectfully, that compounds it. Emotional or physical abuse, it is all completely abominable, and a husband or wife should always treat each other with the utmost respect and love, in public and private.
I was fortunate that I saw my grandparents’ respectful, loving marriage and I knew that was what I would strive for. I think I have it :) Most especially, I have a husband who treats me honestly like I am the most valuable person in his life. That is such motivation for me, and so humbling and helps me stay on track. He often diffuses a grumpy situation from me (which really is rarely directed at him) with gentleness, understanding and patience. Even if he has occasion to correct me (and hey sometimes I correct him!) I never feel offense or anger at that. Nor do I feel inferior, ever.
You did good raising this boy!!
The Peacegiver: How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes /by James L. Ferrell
is a very interesting book about a marriage another is
Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family / by David C. Dollahite
I don’t have many answers but Dalin H. Oaks gave a good talk on Divorce in a General Conference that acknowledges that for some divorce is a necessary opportunity to start again.
Yep, Mum has that one. It’s a wonderful book. (The Peacegiver).
Were all four divorces as a result of adultery? I couldn’t tell by the original post.