I recently found out about another local LGBTQ youth who won’t come out to their Mormon parents. They saw how their older sibling, who is also LGBTQ, was treated.
When will adults learn that our words matter? That our children see how we talk about LGBTQ issues, how we treat LGBTQ people? That how we talk about LGBTQ issues is how we’re talking about our own children? That how we treat LGBTQ people is how we treat our own children?
And then we wonder why our children can’t trust us enough to come out to us? They’re afraid. They’re afraid of rejection. They’re afraid of our anger. They’re afraid of our hate. They’re afraid of homelessness or even death.
When will the church finally realize that the rhetoric they teach their members is forcing parents to choose the church over family? That they are ripping families apart?
It’s not marriage equality or “the gay agenda” that’s destroying families—it’s the church.
I appreciate your comments.
I will agree that the scenario you articulate is all to common. Tragically common. While it may be the rule more than the exception there are families who navigate this situation remarkably well. The church may have some culpability but individual members are also free how we react to church teaching. Anyone with an internet connection and a brain can see the church has moderated teachings on LGBTQ issues. They may not go as far as many would like but many in the church are not taking any notice. I find this frustrating personally. Old prejudices die hard.
Many understand religion and morality as a black and white zero sum game. Many of us love the dogmatic easy answers and the self righteous judgement. Jesus had the same problem in His day with the Pharisees. But Jesus offered the Pharisees a better way. I think that is where we might want to look today.
In my opinion, it is those who are most like Jesus himself, who are the best at navigating the difficulties you identified. I have seen parents do this with skill and grace and love. I hope others notice their examples until it becomes the norm. I have seen other parent who make missteps at first but eventually come to a happy resolution.
Choosing church over family does not seem to me to be the Christian way. This is a false dichotomy. You can choose both church and family, I believe.
LGBTQ issues are not the only ones that test family cohesion. Teen pregnancy, faith crisis, rebellion, choosing not to serve a mission, or marrying outside the temple can all impact families negatively if we let them.
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are not very good at talking to their kids about sex. The best information I ever got about sex was from a Planned Parenthood presentation in school. Some Latter Day Saints in my High School were not allowed to view this presentation. It sure came in handy on my honeymoon. I was dangerously uninformed about sex in my teens. Sometimes it is even difficult to talk to my wife about sex sometimes. My expectations are not the same as hers on occasion. These can be very difficult conversations for youth to have with their parents even when everyone is heterosexual and chaste. They don’t have to be difficult conversations but we make them so.
If you are concerned about the way we talk to our children I couldn’t agree more.
Thanks for the added insight.